patheticvillain | eleven ➢ private + spam

private/video | chris

[Cassel is looking just - crazy excited right now. For him, anyway; he's grinning wide, one of his legs jogging as he speaks.]

Hey, Skywalker. [Guess who got out early. And guess who's caught up with what you've been doing.]

Point one, hi, but I said that. Point two, you totally are a weapon of mass destruction, I don't know why you never used that line on me before. Point three, I have a billion things to tell you, starting with - Star Wars?

spam 1 {mid-afternoon 5/13; deck}

[The first thing Cassel does when he gets out of Zero - besides calling Chris, which always comes first - is he takes Patches up on deck. It's kind of stupid, but he's missed this dog like crazy, and he's more than happy to spend an hour or two in the fresh air throwing a ball for him.]

[For those who know him, he looks weirdly content, like a weight's been lifted; for those who don't, he looks a hell of a lot more like a normal kid than he's ever looked before.]

spam 2 {mid-afternoon thru evening 5/13; gym}

[When Kon suggested he start working in the gym for real, it had seemed like a weird idea at first, but the more he thinks about it the more it seems like - maybe it wouldn't be so bad. So he says he'll try it out, at least, and if he's going to try he's going to start right away. No point waiting.]

[He's still learning the ropes beyond just cleaning tonight, but he's around, keeping things as organized as he can on Kon's direction.]

private/video | doyle

[The camera's on to prove a point: that he's genuine about this, because he is, extremely. Discomfort shows on his face, because he's not used to apologizing, and he can't look at the camera for more than a couple seconds at a time, but he goes for it anyway.]

Hi. Um.

I'd like to talk to you, if that's cool. Here or in person. Or I can just text if you'd rather do that, I - you know. Whatever you want.

private/voice | steph

Do you still wanna skip the apology? Because I have one. Up to you.

private/voice, later | zane

[It's tempting to yell at Zane, or to ask if he's okay, or to say nothing at all, or to go find him in person now that he can. None of these sound particularly right, though, especially after everything he's ~~stalked~~ read over the last hour or so, so he reverts to sarcasm. Decently affectionate sarcasm, but sarcasm nonetheless.]

You're such an idiot. I feel like you should win a prize for being as much of an idiot as you are.

private/text | barron

pizza?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[A soft laugh.]

Maybe you'll surprise yourself.

[Then, after a moment.] I did.

Maybe. [He doesn't sound too convinced, but perks up.] What do you mean?

[She smiles, leaning forward slightly as her hands clasp in her lap.]

I started taking karate after I moved to Gotham. I didn't know if I'd be any good at it - I'd never so much as slapped someone before. I could run, and I could dance, but dodging and punching and kicking, that's a whole other ball field. With more than a few land mines in it.

And when I started off, well. You've never seen a weaker punch in your life, trust me. [She knew so much about how it worked - the anatomy, the damage, the consequences. She'd been so afraid to hurt someone.] And my kicks were more like twirls.

So how did you get better? Did you get scared?

[This is what he always assumes: an adrenaline spike, fear for one's life, that'll get you good in a second, or at least desperate.]

[Her eyebrows arch and her chest aches, but all she does is shake her head.]

No. I got...motivated.

I started watching the news, every day. That's even more depressing than usual, if you live in Gotham. I hunted down everything I could find on the crimes being committed in my city - [her lips quirk] - which isn't that hard when your dad's a police captain.

And when I fought, that's what I thought about.

Your dad's a cop?

[Somehow, without thinking about it, he'd assumed she was someone - more like him. Part of his kind of family. Not an enemy.]

[Softly.] My second dad, yeah.

I thought about it, but I decided I didn't like playing by the rules. [It's a vast simplification, but that's...pretty much it.]

I don't like cops.

[This statement isn't directed at her - but he tilts his chin up in defiance, as a kind of principle of the thing. Sharpes don't like cops. They get in the way.]

Why not? [Her tone isn't defensive; a lot of people don't like cops, and a lot of them have damn good reasons. She can guess Cassel's, but she'd prefer to hear than assume.]

A lot of reasons?

My family works for the mob.

[A beat, and then - well. There's that other thing.]

And what I can do, my work, is illegal. Has been for a really long time.

Yeah, that'd do it. [Her voice is light, but the second reason makes her frown.] That's -

For everyone? All the time?

Yeah.

I, uh, I have a - somebody I know. [Not really a friend, he doesn't think. She might think that, but he's learning better, now, what a friend is.] She says - if you look at history, worker crime families wouldn't have happened if the laws hadn't been passed.

But, you know. It doesn't matter. If you're a worker, you're a criminal.

[Grim and certain.] She makes a good point.

Laws aren't always just, or even sensible, and sometimes they create more problems than they solve.

Yeah. She was pretty angry about it.

[He never really was. Isn't now, either.]

Fresh eyes, fresh anger. [She shrugs a shoulder.] For you, it's just a fact of life - getting angry would be pretty useless, right?

Um - yeah.

[He looks at her in surprise. Nobody's ever put it like that before.]

It's just how we live.

[He pauses.]

I felt - lucky, to be included.

To be part of something? [She's never felt the need so keenly herself, really, but it was always...nice. To have that solidarity, that support, that belonging. To know you're never alone.]

Yeah. When you're a worker, you're important, you're valuable. Even though it's illegal. Doesn't matter, you're useful.

[Better than being part of a worker family, but not a worker. Then he just didn't belong anywhere.]

[Barbara just looks at him, for a moment. What must his family be like, to make him feel that way?

Of course - ]

I feel like that, sometimes. Like I'm only worth anything if I'm useful. If I'm making some sort of difference.

I think a lot of people do.

[But the look on his face says it's not the same. It's not a want to him, it's a need, as basic as eating or drinking or sleeping. He has to be useful, or he's nothing.]

[Barbara can see it clear as day and it makes her chest ache, a little.]

A lot of people are lucky. They have people who show them their love regardless.

[He just laughs. It's not a bitter laugh, just - he finds this funny.]

[Her smile is small and sad.] Sounds that outlandish?

Little bit.

It's hard to wrap our mind around things we spent most of our lives not knowing.

[Barbara wheels forward a bit, gaze soft but intent.]

I don't care how useful you are, Cassel. I care about you.

I understand if you don't believe that. Not yet. But it's not going to change.

(no subject)

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