patheticvillain | forty-five ➢ video

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forty-five ➢ video

So, I know she talked to some of you about this already. But I thought I'd make sure everybody knew, so nobody worries-- I--

Needy graduated. She didn't go home, yet, probably because her home's total bullshit [and he's pretty sure she's still wanted there??]. Sunny, haunted Beacon Hills, California was the destination of choice, for those of you who really need to know.

Anybody who wanted to say goodbye and didn't get a chance to, um, I can probably get a message to her. And by "I can get a message to her" I mean "I can have Iris get a message to her".

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I know, right?

[His grin in response is a little tired, but pleased.]

I'm just fucking glad she's out of here.

Seriously.

[And he is, he's relieved, because she always seemed like the kind of person who deserved this place the most.]

So...you're sticking around, right?

No shit. Where would I go?

I mean, Chris and I were talking about going home for a couple days. But then back to the Barge. We're lifers.

Can I come too?

[He asks it before he even thinks about...anything. Who he'd be leaving behind, what kind of trouble they might get in, what they'd think of him going.

He's just thinking of Daneca, and getting to see her again.]

You what?

[It's not that he's offended, exactly. It's just that this situation is already so impossible to think about, so terrifying, adding another person into the mix sounds like actual hell.]

[That's it. He's in hell. Everything makes so much more sense now.]

[Scott ducks his head, realizing that he just basically invited himself over. Across worlds. Or whatever.]

I mean, I won't get in the way or anything. I just thought...It'd be nice to see Daneca again, is all.

I'm.

[How do you say "I'm freaking out" without actually saying "I'm freaking out".]

Look, can you just come over?

Yeah. [He's confused, for now: when he can smell Cassel's freak out, he'll get it.]

Yeah, I'll be right there.

[And he will, be, knocking on Cassel's door real quick.]

[He can probably smell it even before Cassel opens the door, all adrenaline and fear-sweat. His gloves are hitched tighter than usual, the bags under his eyes darker.]

Hey. Can you--?

[He steps aside, indicating come in, quick.]

[He's been trying to be more aware of his senses lately, and he can definitely smell something before it practically assaults his nose when Cassel opens the door. It confuses the shit out of him - worries him, too - and he ducks inside with a concerned frown pulling at his brow.]

What's going on?

What's, um.

[He shrugs tightly, closing the door behind Scott with a too-hard push that makes it slam.]

It's just, I don't want to talk about this over the network. I don't.

I mean, you know there's a reason I haven't gone back yet, right?

No. I mean--

[Scott lifts his arms, gesturing uselessly.]

I figured there's a good one, and you'd tell me about it if you wanted to.

[He knows enough to guess, but you don't guess about family.]

I don't want to. I don't want to tell anybody.

[He exhales slowly, shuddering, to keep from hyperventilating, and collapses back on the bed in a heap.]

I feel like all I did when I was an inmate was have to talk about it, and then I graduated, right? And I thought, I don't have to go back. I don't have to talk about it anymore. It doesn't have to be part of my life anymore.

And now we're doing some kind of Meet the Parents bullshit, and I'm just.

[Rubbing the insides of his wrists, he shakes his head, over and over, like he can't stop.]

I'm scared, Scott.

Hey.

[He says it softly, reaching out to rest a hand lightly on Cassel's shoulder. He stays calm, because both of them freaking out won't help anything.]

Have you guys talked about it? If you don't want to go back, you don't have to go back.

[He's already mourning getting the chance to see Daneca again, but he sets that aside. Cassel is what's important, now.]

It's not -

[He takes a deep breath, letting the steadiness of Scott's hand on his shoulder keep him calmer, or at least calmer. Squeezing his eyes closed, he exhales, tries to figure out how to say all of it, all the things he needs to say to make Scott understand. To make someone outside of his own head understand.]

I miss them. I do. I want to see how Barron's doing, and my grandad, and I guess my mom and Lila too. And even if I didn't, I see what Chris is saying, you know, about how we can't just - never see them again. We can't hide from our pasts forever.

And this is what he wants. And I love - I love him.

So yeah. I do have to go back. We both have to go back. Because it's that or run forever, and I can't be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life.

You know, this might sound sappy-- [and he gives Cassel a little smile, definitely self-depreciating] --but I'm like, really happy for you.

[He's proud, too, but he doesn't think he has a right to be. So instead, he steps forward to hug Cassel briefly.]

And we don't have to talk about it after, if you don't want to. You can just go, catch up, and come home.

[The hug surprises him, but he hugs Scott back anyway. Because that's just what you do with people like Scott: you're kind to them when they're kind to you, which is always. He still doesn't get why he's allowed to have friends like these.]

Thanks. I probably won't want to. Talk about it, I mean.

[Scott shrugs, clapping a hand against Cassel's back.]

That's cool. We can shoot spitballs at people instead. But if you do...[He shrugs.]

I'll be around.

[He gives Scott an unimpressed look.]

Spitballs? What are you, eleven?

[Which really just means thanks.]

I look really old for my age.

[He speaks Cassel by now.]

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forty-five ➢ video

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