patheticvillain | fifty-three ➢ video

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fifty-three ➢ video

[Cassel's in his room, rearranging his drawer of scraps in some order discernible only to him. Ilia is perched on a high shelf, his eyes narrowed and tail twitching, disturbed by the commotion and looking ready to jump down onto Cassel's shoulders at any moment. As he rummages, Cassel addresses the camera; the moment he turns towards it, a bruise slides into view on his left temple, light and mottled black. He seems not to notice it.]

A few things. First of all, if anybody who's not all Admiral-ed up has a problem with the power outages, I think - I think I can make flashlights and lamps that don't need to be powered. [He's speaking specifically to Morgana here, but he doesn't know everybody's hangups, either, so he's leaving it open to the Barge as a whole.]

Second of all, has anybody actually gotten anywhere with the ship? Steering it or anything? Because this seems like it's getting kind of. Critical. [As Dean so astutely pointed out.]

Last thing - I know nobody cares right now, but we still need staff for the gym. At least one more person. If you feel like going slightly less stir-crazy while we're marooned in the middle of nowhere, apply now.

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But did y'all care about each other?

Yeah. I think so.

Sometimes I forget that not everyone is as... I don't know. With their wardens.

I know I might not love my inmate, if I get one. But I hope I do.

I loved him. Love him.

I loved all my inmates that I've had. Needy and Czeslaw and Wichita. I miss them.

Is losing the people you love something that happens here a lot?

Yeah. I'm. Honestly sorry, but it is.

I lost my brother a little while ago.

Did he go back to somewhere where he'd be happy?

I don't know where he went. He just. Went.

Did he graduate or get his deal?

He graduated, but that was, like, a year and a half ago. He had an inmate. He just disappeared.

It's awful when that happens.

[As bad as losing Merlin was, she knows it would have been so much worse if he'd died and not been revived, or slipped away during a coma, or just plain vanished.]

Do you-- instead of talking about the people you lost, do you wanna talk about the people you still have?

. . . Yeah. I do.

But you should go first.

[She smiles.]

I don't think you want that. 'Cause, see, I got a tendency to talk a lot about the people who matter to me.

I can listen. I'm good at listening now.

Really? Me too! ... I mean, I'm getting better.

I got a lot of people I like. I mean it; I got more friends here and more people who really care for me than I ever had anywhere else. And I don't play favorites so much. But the people I really, really love are Merlin--

[Merlin, whose name she says automatically, and probably will for a while. Her breath catches for a moment, but then she continues on.]

-- Iris, Simon, Mason, and Dillon. And I kind of took 'em in right from the beginning, and never really thought about doing the same with anyone else. But now I'm thinking that might've been a mistake, because if you don't let anyone new into your group then it's only gonna get smaller if people go, and I don't want that.

[She doesn't actually want any of them to leave either, but she knows that that's inevitable to some extent. Maybe not for all of them, but for some.]

I dunno. If you wanna ask about any of 'em as, you know, individuals - you can. I always got stuff to say.

[He nods at what she says - it's smart, to always keep letting people in. That's what Kon taught him, not to close yourself off just because you don't trust people. It's hard to remember that, though, especially lately.]

Tell me what you like about Iris. I like Iris, too.

Iris.

Iris is... I know it probably ain't actually true, but she always seems happy, and strong. She's one of the most fun people I have ever known. She loves everybody, but it don't feel fake. She's got more love in her than anyone I have ever known, too. She's kind of like how I always thought other people's moms were when I was a kid. She makes you feel warm even when she ain't hugging or touching you, and she makes you feel even warmer when she is.

Yeah. Yeah. She believes in you, and you know she believes in you, even if you think everybody else is lying.

I never thought that here, but you're right. I'm glad people like her exist.

I'd never met anybody like her before here.

Yeah, me neither. I never met anybody like any of those guys before here.

Okay, now it's your turn. I talked about a person, so now you talk about a person. Then I can go again if you want.

I guess Chris. He was the first person I trusted here. Kind of the first person I trusted ever? He's always taken care of me and made sure I was taking care of myself, and he's just. He's funny and a good person even when he's acting like an asshole, and I love him.

He's your boyfriend, right? You guys are dating?

Yeah. We have been for, like, a year and a half now.

Wow. That's gotta be some kind of Barge record.

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