patheticvillain | nine ➢ filter + private

video | 1 friendly conversation filter, sans chris + cass

[Cassel chooses the video option deliberately, as well as the angle: dead on his face with a view of his shoulders and the top half of his torso. His face and posture bleed honesty tinged with regret - a little confusion, too. The confusion's the only part of this that's true, and his anger, frustration, resentment are well-hidden. That's why he's excluded Cass, because she could call him on this in an instant. Chris is out because he doesn't lie to Chris. Everyone else is fair game.]

[He takes a half-breath before he starts, looking at the camera, off to the side - guilt, shame.]

I shouldn't have done that. [Lie.] If I worried you, I'm sorry. [Half-truth, and a self-deprecating smile.] I'm not great at, uh, planning, I guess.

I know there's no way I can make up for worrying everyone, but if it's any consolation I feel like a total ass. Lesson learned, scout's honor, not happening again. [Smile evolved into smirk! Still self-deprecating, though.] I'm also considering putting up a suggestion box. "Shit Cassel should never do" for Barge input.

[And then he gets quiet, tilts his head a little sadly at the camera. Sincere regret, only not.] Seriously. Don't worry about me. And don't take it out on him.

private/video | zane

[Mask down: Cassel is pissed. Royally. About as angry as most people have probably ever seen him. Definitely angry enough to blatantly ignore the previous lie he told, that he didn't trust Zane - he does, and they're clearly the only two people here who have any clue what happened.]

[Again: video, same frame, but Cassel's not looking at the camera; too busy fuming.]

People get in your personal business here. [It looks like that's all he's going to say on that subject, but then a half-shrug:] Are you out of Zero yet?

[The rest is sent as text, more information than he has ever in his life given one person at once, but he's been watching. Zane understands him, he thinks, at least in part, certainly better than most other people do, and he's been inconvenienced by idiots like Rorschach with no intention of even attempting understanding. It's owed. That, and he needs it known, comprehensively, by somebody who understands what it's like to be manipulated.]

I think you like to know things, so here's some info. You chew screws, I wear gloves, because back home everybody wears gloves. It's how we stay safe. Work comes from hands and work can kill you or ruin your life. It can make you forget. That's why if you ever touch me [by which he means bare skin, the punching was fine really] with bare hands again I'll bite your fingers off. Nothing personal, that's just how it is.

Watch out for Barron Sharpe and Touko Fukawa.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

There is, but it's nothing you can do all at once. It's a process.

[Her gaze goes distant, for a moment.] Destruction is easy. Restoration, healing, that's the hard part.

[Flatly:] It doesn't work.

I thought you weren't going to lecture me.

I'm lecturing?

...Sorry, I don't always realise it.

[Intently.] I meant it, though. I don't blame you or Zane for trying to cope, even if I don't agree with how you did it.

[He lets this information settle, wavering between belief and suspicion. Finally:]

I didn't think that people would be upset, and I didn't think that he'd end up in Zero. It helped until everybody started - trying to help.

[That gets a wry chuckle.] Yeah, that happens sometimes.

Everyone means well.

But they keep acting like he attacked me and that's not what happened.

I don't think I'm that good at explaining it, either. I don't know how you get it so well. Chris didn't, and Kon didn't.

[Her smile is warm and knowing.] Chris is too - he's all emotion. Especially when it comes to you.

Kon can be like that, too. He doesn't always step back and analyse a situation, especially when people he cares about get hurt.

And they're both pretty...direct about their problems. [Her smile turns rueful.] They don't bury them so deep they can only deal with them by throwing themselves in the fire.

[She keeps understanding him without any effort at all. It makes him feel vulnerable and small and weak, needing to be comforted, a drive that he doesn't like because it's never been met. Not until he got here.]

[Especially when it comes to you, he knows that on some level, and his brows knit together - that and the idea of Kon caring about him, honestly and deeply, the image of throwing himself in the fire. Is that what he did?]

[He looks years younger than he is right now.]

Did I betray them?

[Between his eyes and his words her heart clenches in her chest.]

No, Cassel. But you didn't consider them, either, and - maybe you should. [She shakes her head.] I have that problem, too. I focus too much on - results. On what I can accomplish. And I don't think about the affect it could have on the people who matter. [She knows this, and yet she keeps doing it. Maybe actually saying it out loud will make a difference.]

You do it too.

[Not a question - he's musing out loud. Which continues with:] He was really upset. And I couldn't fix it.

[Three guesses who this is referring to.]

[Her eyes crinkle, smile soft and sad.]

We can't, always. [That's always been hard for her to accept. She's supposed to fix things.] We just...accept their emotions. Be there for them. Try to do better.

[Cassel has never wanted to fix. He was trained to destroy, to take, to use. The impulse to help is new and too powerful for him to know how to handle.]

Do you think it's better to be logical or emotional?

It...depends on the situation. On the person.

I tend towards logic, but that's screwed me over more than once.

[Her gaze shifts, for a moment, as her voice lowers.] And it's easy to justify things to yourself, if you leave emotions out of the equation.

Edited 2013-05-01 21:25 (UTC)

Yeah, I guess.

And there are only so many times you can do that before people leave.

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