patheticvillain | nine ➢ filter + private

Entry tags:

nine ➢ filter + private

video | 1 friendly conversation filter, sans chris + cass

[Cassel chooses the video option deliberately, as well as the angle: dead on his face with a view of his shoulders and the top half of his torso. His face and posture bleed honesty tinged with regret - a little confusion, too. The confusion's the only part of this that's true, and his anger, frustration, resentment are well-hidden. That's why he's excluded Cass, because she could call him on this in an instant. Chris is out because he doesn't lie to Chris. Everyone else is fair game.]

[He takes a half-breath before he starts, looking at the camera, off to the side - guilt, shame.]

I shouldn't have done that. [Lie.] If I worried you, I'm sorry. [Half-truth, and a self-deprecating smile.] I'm not great at, uh, planning, I guess.

I know there's no way I can make up for worrying everyone, but if it's any consolation I feel like a total ass. Lesson learned, scout's honor, not happening again. [Smile evolved into smirk! Still self-deprecating, though.] I'm also considering putting up a suggestion box. "Shit Cassel should never do" for Barge input.

[And then he gets quiet, tilts his head a little sadly at the camera. Sincere regret, only not.] Seriously. Don't worry about me. And don't take it out on him.

private/video | zane

[Mask down: Cassel is pissed. Royally. About as angry as most people have probably ever seen him. Definitely angry enough to blatantly ignore the previous lie he told, that he didn't trust Zane - he does, and they're clearly the only two people here who have any clue what happened.]

[Again: video, same frame, but Cassel's not looking at the camera; too busy fuming.]

People get in your personal business here. [It looks like that's all he's going to say on that subject, but then a half-shrug:] Are you out of Zero yet?

[The rest is sent as text, more information than he has ever in his life given one person at once, but he's been watching. Zane understands him, he thinks, at least in part, certainly better than most other people do, and he's been inconvenienced by idiots like Rorschach with no intention of even attempting understanding. It's owed. That, and he needs it known, comprehensively, by somebody who understands what it's like to be manipulated.]

I think you like to know things, so here's some info. You chew screws, I wear gloves, because back home everybody wears gloves. It's how we stay safe. Work comes from hands and work can kill you or ruin your life. It can make you forget. That's why if you ever touch me [by which he means bare skin, the punching was fine really] with bare hands again I'll bite your fingers off. Nothing personal, that's just how it is.

Watch out for Barron Sharpe and Touko Fukawa.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[wow FUCK YOU CASSEL, HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT.

HOW DARE YOU. Note that tiny pause (do not note it) because it's him acknowledging that phrase and ripping it the fuck to shreds so he doesn't have to think about it right now.]

You're not very good at noticing when people give a shit about you.

You just changed the subject.

[He sees the pause. He sees you, Bond. And he softens a little, because he knows he was right.]

Did I? You're the one who brougth her up. [No do not soften ugh god damn kids, with their god damn feelings.]

Because I like her. She doesn't pretend to be nice.

[Like somebody he could mention, but won't.]

You changed the subject when I said you're hers.

It's not bad.

[He has to actually bite back the urge to tell Cassel to shut his mouth.]

It's not important, either. [Yes it is. But he's not prepared to talk about it with...anyone, really.]

It's the most important thing in the world.

[He sounds lonely. He is lonely.]

[What he wants most in the world is to kill the feed right now. But he can identify emotions, too, he can spot opportunities, and it makes him hang on. Grudgingly.]

What's her name?

[He can feel his heart breaking. He doesn't answer. Doesn't answer. Doesn't answer.]

[But it's inevitable, in the end.]

Her name is Lila.

[And James waits, because silence isn't a cut feed, it isn't a refusal. He would have refused. Probably. Maybe.]

Doesn't pretend to be nice, I take it.

No. No, Lila's - mean. She's cruel.

[He's smiling as he says it. Love, or something like it, bleeds into his voice.]

[Something like it. Hard to tell, for James. He'd never been properly in love before Vesper. There had been the maid at Eton, but that had been something altogether different.]

They call that masochism, you know. [He can lighten the mood, just a pinch.]

Is that what they call it? Everybody throws that word around . . .

[He's barely here now, wistful, elsewhere. He's starting to forget what she smells like.]

Somebody put - convinced me that I killed her. That's sadism.

[She wraps around him like a vine and doesn't let him go.]

[And WOW just like that he's tempted to shut down again, even with Cassel presenting a fine target. It's a little maddening, and he lets his gaze shift, wander away. I killed her. It's the same as not saving her. The same as watching her die. Isn't it?]

Yes, it is. What happened?

[He licks his lips. Wants to lie. Tells half-truths instead.]

If I thought she was dead, if I thought I killed her, I was - I think I was more maneuverable.

But she's not dead. She's alive and she's going to rule the world someday.

Lofty goals. [He doesn't sound mocking, at least.] Sounds like someone I know. [Sort of.]

Who?

My employer.

Did you love her too?

She's old enough to be my mother.

[Which is not him admitting that he cares about her at all. Obviously.]

So it's something different.

. . . Do you have a mother?

[Fuck this conversation.]

Everyone does.

But do you have her. Is she around, is she important?

No. [Short, simple, he doesn't want to talk about her.]

[He hears. For once, he doesn't push.]

[He says something that he thinks applies to both of them - but at least to him. A minor vulnerability, or a major one if James should decide to use it against him.]

I miss her.

[He's quiet for a moment, vaguely respectful.]

Do you think you'll see her again? [It's a dual question, for however Cassel wants to read it: will he graduate, or will she wind up here eventually?]

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