patheticvillain | sixteen ➢ gym & deck spam

[It's an unfamiliar burden that Cassel has realized he's carrying: Kon is here alone now, except for him. Steph's gone. And it's finally sunk in that Kon will not leave until Cassel does. This makes him feel more motivated and also terrified. He doesn't want anybody to be relying on him for anything. It's just not a good idea.]

[So he keeps himself busy. First and foremost working; he picks up an extra shift or two at the gym. When he's not there, he's on the deck, reading and tossing a ball around for Patches. Every once in a while he gets up, restlessly walks to another spot on the deck, with the dog following behind him in some confusion.]

[Occasionally, and reflexively, he will take note of things that look valuable and do his best to slip them into his pocket, unnoticed. He's out of practice, so this is partially an attempt to return to semi-competence; however, if he's not caught, he'll come back and return them within the hour. An exercise in boredom and distraction, more or less.]

for iris }

[Eventually, he spots Iris on deck and makes his way over to her, cocking his head curiously.]

Talk to me about timelines.

[Since it's something she talks to everybody about, it seems like, and she was talking to Zane about it the other day. He doesn't get the point, but there has to be one.]

for elena }

[It occurs to him slowly that it seems like Elena's pissed at him after their last conversation. He's not sure why, given that allegedly she's emotion-free these days, but whatever. Even if it's just an act, he wants to know why. So he tracks her down. Really curious as to what exactly she thought this partnership was supposed to be about.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[If Iris is wondering why Cassel looks like someone's slapped him, she doesn't let it show. She just keeps on talking.]

Oh yes, love. Same like me own ship. I 'ear them ...talking's not exactly the word for it - in the night, when it's quiet. I mean, I 'ear mine. I can't 'ear the Barge. But they're in contact all right. I would really like to give you a hug about now, and if you were Chris I'd just go for it.

[Her tone doesn't change, and she doesn't make a move towards him.]

It's a strategy. Loving things. People. It's a - when you're young you feel like it's so special, it's got to be a limited supply, and you 'old it in to yourself, you're scared to waste it. I've lived a long time and I've learned there's no such thing. Even thrown away on the undeserving, it's never wasted, and you can't ever run out.

[He stiffens, his fingers twitching in protective cloth and leather, but he doesn't lash out, doesn't run, doesn't do any of ten other wrong things he really wants to do. He stands and looks at her while Patches looks at him, sensing his discomfort, his fear, and presses closer to his legs.]

No.

[Quiet, vague, as if hypnotized. Not just No, don't touch me, although it means that too. But mostly, she's just wrong.]

You can't say things like that, like you know me, like you can pick apart what I feel and call it normal. It's never felt special. It's always just been a lie.

That's why I don't trust you. [He exhales, somewhat comforted by having finally figured it out.] All that love, it feels like a trick.

[Iris watches him, her lips tightening, and then turns to lean on the railing again. When she speaks, she's looking out onto the starscape again.]

Cool your jets, lovey. I were talking more generally. I 'ave been young, I've known a lot of young people. Take it if it's useful. Leave it if it's not.

[Then she turns her head again to catch his eye, though she doesn't hold it for longer than she needs.]

It is a trick, aye. But it's never been a lie.

[This is what allows him to relax, in the end: the fact that she says that yes, it's a trick. He sighs and leans onto the rail beside her, cautious. Not close, but significantly closer.]

That makes sense.

[Mostly it does, anyway. It makes enough sense for now.]

[He's quiet then, watching the stars pass. He wonders if he should apologize to her, if that would be the socially appropriate thing to do, and then wonders if Iris actually cares about the socially appropriate thing and decides there's very little chance she does.]

[Finally:] I don't like to be touched. [Not unless it's necessary, or it's Chris, or Zane, or Kon on good days.] So thanks for - not.

[It's not an apology, but it's also a social nicety and has the benefit of being something he means.]

[Iris watches him sideways; his elegant, half-grown-cat legginess and unfinished, skittish beauty, and she pulls calm down over herself like a cloak of night sky.]

I thought you might get that. Cassel, I can be pushy. I like to get close to people. I like to know 'em. I'm more careful than I look, though.

[That's not an apology either.]

...Lua got your powers in that flood, I heard.

[He interprets this as a warning. Not a threat, just an acknowledgment: this is who she is, this is who she has always been, she has no intentions of changing to suit him. Which, in its own way, is comforting, while prickling just enough at the edges of his discomfort to keep him interested.]

[The grin that flashes at the mention of his powers is brittle and sharp, all teeth, and he hangs onto it, because it's comforting, too.]

Lua got my work.

Is there something you want to say to me about that in particular?

Not really, my love; I just wanted you to know I knew. It's not my business and I didn't ask to know, but I do anyway.

[She smiles softly out at the stars.]

Sometimes I see one I recognise. Not today, though. It cheers me up to think of all them places I've not been. I'll swap you a secret for a secret, if you like. Well, if I can think of any.

[It's tempting, but there's also that part of him that doesn't want his work to be a secret anymore. He doesn't want to broadcast it, but he doesn't want it to be currency. So he just shrugs.]

You can tell me whatever you want. But you can ask me whatever you want, too.

Most of me secrets, these days? I don't even know 'em meself any more. Some of 'em got a bit too 'ot to 'andle. I wonder if I'm not due to rediscover 'em sometime soon, though.

[She slides her gaze briefly sideways to meet his, and then back out at the stars.]

...I said I'd never done timeline surgery and that weren't quite true. There's no other way I could've come by two equally true pasts. And I can see that were me own work, it's got my fingerprints all over it. I just... don't seem to 'ave left in the bits where I know when or why I did it.

[He manages a very small smile at this, despite the fact that it's hitting very close to home. She did something to her own memory, or someone else did - he'll always assume that someone else did, because why do that to yourself? - and now she just doesn't know.]

Why would you have done it? If you did it.

I told you, I don't know. I've got some educated guesses; there were a lot of people gunning for me just before it 'appened. And there were a bloody great Time War somewhere in there. That's one of the things I lost, or never 'ad - I literally don't exist in any reality that war does.

That's why I 'aven't tried too 'ard to find out.

You don't want to know.

[This is bizarre to him.]

Doesn't that scare you?

I scare me. I'm the only thing that ever 'as. I'm also the only one whose judgment I trust enough to let it lie.

[She fishes a pack of cigarettes out of her bag, lights one and wordlessly offers Cassel the pack.]

At one point I did know, and I made the decision not to. No bugger else. I know that much for certain.

[She shrugs.]

I do know there's an older version of me trying to kill me. One reason I come 'ere, in fact. So I might still talk meself into finding out.

[He pulls one out with deft fingers, lights it himself, doesn't answer for a moment.]

I guess if you're going to lose time, that's the way to do it. At the hands of someone whose judgment you trust.

What did Lua tell you, anyway?

[Iris watches him sidelong, loving the beautiful, fresh slightness of him.]

That you can change things into other things. And that changing a thing into summat alive don't work. Can it work if the thing you change starts out alive?

[He exhales smoke towards the vacuum of space, wondering precisely where the line is - where the bubble of oxygen they live in ends.]

You can change a living thing into a non-living thing, but it dies. You can change a living thing into another living thing, and it lives. But changing a non-living thing into a living thing . . . you just get meat.

sixteen ➢ gym & deck spam

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