thirteen ➢ private + voice

[patheticvillain]

private | kon

I have a question about what Charles did to you. [A beat.] I mean. For you.

public | voice

[He shouldn't be making this post, probably, no matter how curious he is. He's been weird about his mother lately, and if she starts talking to him he's not sure what he'll do.]

[So he compromises: voice, which is a tell in itself, when he could be using video (he's hiding), but to his credit it doesn't shake, and he doesn't sound afraid. Maybe Sam's out there, or Daneca.]

The Admiral's fucking with us again, I note. If anybody wants to catch me up on the news from Jersey, it's not like I'm doing anything. Otherwise I'll just watch everyone else be super uncomfortable.

private | text to zane + chris | later

today was complete bullshit and fuck this boat i have snacks and my door's open

the rules are no talking and whoever brings booze gets the most pillows

Comments

[patheticvillain]

You already know I'm a moron.

Brennans.

[bittersweeter]

[Pity they don't get Jersey news on the Barge because you can bet the highlight of the evening news will be how the entire Brennan family was murdered. Oops.]

And Barron?

[patheticvillain]

I don't know. We don't talk. And even if we did I wouldn't believe a word he said.

[bittersweeter]

So you're just never coming back, that's it?

[patheticvillain]

Wha do you want me to say? Psych? Now that we're talking I realize that I've made a terrible choice and I'm coming home as soon as I break out of space prison?

[His voice is raspy, his throat hurts, fuck.]

I get one ticket out of here. It's not going to be to you.

[bittersweeter]

Why not?

[patheticvillain]

It's complicated, and you won't believe me anyway. So don't worry about it.

[bittersweeter]

You... You are the biggest asshole I have ever met. Do you recognize that? I'm a sociopath and even I can see that you're a complete shit head.

Why am I the bad guy in your life story, Cassel? Why?

[patheticvillain]

You're not. You never have been. It's always been me. And I liked that.

[bittersweeter]

And now you're the hero and, what, were not good enough for you anymore?

[patheticvillain]

[He just laughs.]

Hero? Are you serious? Have you met me? I'm a piece of shit.

[bittersweeter]

Yeah, I might have noticed.

[gdi why can't she just stay pissed off at you, it's so much easier to just hate him and be done with it but its never just hate with them.]

Didn't answer the main point of the question though.

[patheticvillain]

It's the opposite. And - I'm tired of being used. If I go back, I will be.

[bittersweeter]

[That shuts her up, but only because she knows he won't believe her if she said she wouldn't. Even if it were true. Because she's not stupid, he was right, that is all anyone ever did to him, she was well aware. Her dad did it, her cousin did it, the FBI did it, whatever that stupid acronym was. He was a shiny toy, everyone wanted him.]

Well.

[What are words.] Good luck, I guess. Don't die again.

[patheticvillain]

I won't. I mean, I'll try not to.

There's one other thing that - you should know.

[And he switches to video for this, because it's important and he has the strangest sense that he owes her, though he can't explain exactly why. He doesn't avert his eyes from the camera, though it's difficult.]

If I hadn't ever been alive, none of what happened to you would have happened. You would have three years of your life back.

I'm sorry for that.

[This is the truth. Again. He's really sorry for having been alive, so that he was in a position to hurt her.]

[bittersweeter]

Don't. Don't. [She closes her eyes for a second and takes a breath.]

If you weren't alive I wouldn't have had a best friend. Or anyone. You don't get to apoloize for that.

[patheticvillain]

[His eyes widen briefly in shock. She'll see how much weaker, how much more transparent he's gotten here.]

Then - can I be sorry about what I am? What I did?

[bittersweeter]

Sure.

[She doesn't really care about that. This is so much worse. She's trying very hard to come off like its fine and she is fine and everything is fine, but... its not and she is not.]

[patheticvillain]

Then I'm sorry.

I'm not lying.

[bittersweeter]

Do you want me to forgive you?

[patheticvillain]

No. I don't deserve it, and I wouldn't believe it if you said you did.

[bittersweeter]

Yeah. That's what I thought.

[patheticvillain]

And I shouldn't ask it of you.

I had to say sorry anyway.

[bittersweeter]

I don't know, I did to walk you off a building. We might be even.

[patheticvillain]

I didn't mind.