forty-five ➢ video

[patheticvillain]

So, I know she talked to some of you about this already. But I thought I'd make sure everybody knew, so nobody worries-- I--

Needy graduated. She didn't go home, yet, probably because her home's total bullshit [and he's pretty sure she's still wanted there??]. Sunny, haunted Beacon Hills, California was the destination of choice, for those of you who really need to know.

Anybody who wanted to say goodbye and didn't get a chance to, um, I can probably get a message to her. And by "I can get a message to her" I mean "I can have Iris get a message to her".

Comments

private

[mistconduct]

He told me to bring a small, mildly expensive gift, and not to let her touch me, and stick close by your granddad.

private

[patheticvillain]

. . . That isn't totally shittastic advice.

Why was he telling you all this?

private

[mistconduct]

I guess he'd had shitty experiences when Barron brought him home and was trying to pass on some good advice.

private

[patheticvillain]

Did he tell you to bring a weapon?

private

[mistconduct]

No. Ew, no. Dude, I'm not going to stab your mom.

private

[patheticvillain]

Good. Because if she found a weapon on you, she'd definitely fuck you up.

Okay, look, whatever, I'll do it. But if any of them hurt you, I'm gonna commit murder and come back here and you'll have to open warden-only doors for me and you'll hate it.

private

[mistconduct]

What, for real? You're serious.

private

[patheticvillain]

Stop acting like that isn't the answer you wanted, oh my god.

private

[mistconduct]

Okay. Okay. I'm cool. No more freaking out.

So does your mom make delicious Thanksgiving turkey or what?

private

[patheticvillain]

My mom doesn't cook. Other people cook. Don't tell her to cook.

private

[mistconduct]

I should be writing all this shit down.

private

[patheticvillain]

No, you should be freaking out with me instead of being all fucking calm.

private

[mistconduct]

Your mom's gonna love me.

private

[patheticvillain]

She doesn't love anybody.

private

[mistconduct]

...Your mom's gonna tolerate me!

private

[patheticvillain]

. . . She might. I mean. I can honestly say she's probably never met anybody like you. You're so . . . relatively lacking in bullshit.

private

[mistconduct]

Hey, I could be full of bullshit if I wanted to be.

private

[patheticvillain]

It's not a bad thing. I mean, it's really weird, but it's not bad. It might just throw them off for long enough that we can firmly establish you as someone not to be fucked with. No one ever expects Totally Guileless Man.

private

[mistconduct]

I could be Scuba Man instead. Just show up wearing a diving suit, nobody could touch me.

Pun totally intended.

private

[patheticvillain]

They might just think that's a weird kink.

private

[mistconduct]

It is a weird kink. But it's also super important when it comes to protecting my ass.

private

[patheticvillain]

I'm gonna kill you for that pun.

private

[mistconduct]

Don't kill me. I'm too adorable to kill.

private

[patheticvillain]

Haven't you been proven wrong on that count, like, several times now?

private

[mistconduct]

Only by people who have a natural aversion to cuteness.

Which might be your family, I really don't know.