thirty-six ➢ video

[patheticvillain]

Okay, everybody, I realize we're all busy, busy people with busy, busy prison lives, but there's something important that needs addressing, and that is: I need my beauty sleep.

Which means I can't keep working double shifts in the gym.

Which means one or two of you assholes should come help me out.

Bored inmates get priority over bored wardens, prerequisites include being able to Windex stuff, and if you try to stab me in the back I'll turn you into a fish.

Comments

[advocacy]

Not to criticize, but do you really think you're going to get people jumping at the opportunity if you're calling them assholes?

[patheticvillain]

Yep.

[advocacy]

Cassel.

[patheticvillain]

Daneca.

[advocacy]

Don't 'Daneca' me like you don't know any better.

[robinwishes]

Well, I'm there nearly all fucking day and it'll be worth Chris shitting himself, so...

Yeah. I volunteer.

[patheticvillain]

Will it? Because that sounds messy.

Also, on a scale of one to ten, how much shit are you gonna give me.

cw; homophobic language.

[robinwishes]

How much shit have I been giving you, Sharpe? I mean, I can crank that up to eleven if you need it to feel good about yourself but frankly-- you don't really matter to me. You're just another cocksucker on Chris's payroll.

Just, you're a more... literal cocksucker.

[ She grins now. ]

Oh, look what I did. Turned up the shit.

[patheticvillain]

Eh. I'll allow it. It's still only, like, a two.

[robinwishes]

Good. Find someone else to join you on the morning shift-- I'll handle the afternoons.

[mistconduct]

Fuck both of you. I hate you all.

[patheticvillain]

That cannot be the first time somebody's made that crack about me. Calm your tits.

[imfollowinghim]

So, outta curiosity, can you only turn people into animals?

[Because he's seen you threaten that a lot thus far, and he's genuinely interested. :|a]

[patheticvillain]

I could turn you into a stick instead, but then you'd be dead.

[imfollowinghim]

Fair enough.

How'd that happen?

[patheticvillain]

You turning into a stick? It didn't yet.

[Obfuscates obfuscates.]

[imfollowinghim]

I meant, were you born with it or did some scientist pump you full of chemicals to fight whatever Hitler asshole you've got where you're from?

[notsoneedy]

Why do they even make you guys take care of this kind of shit? Everything else going on around here, they can't just magic up rooms that clean themselves, like in Beauty and the Beast?

[patheticvillain]

It builds character.

[He really just said that with a straight face.]

[notsoneedy]

Okay.

And...what's the real reason?

[patheticvillain]

The Admiral's a lazy, hypocritical douche?

[rhapsody_in]

What's Windexing?

[patheticvillain]

. . . I guess I shouldn't be surprised that that's a question.

Windex is like soap for windows. To clean off smudges and shit. You spray it on glass and clean the glass with a cloth. That's Windexing. I Windex, you Windex, he/she/it Windexes . . .

[rhapsody_in]

Why didn't you just say you wanted someone to wash the windows?

[patheticvillain]

Because that's not how you say it.